thetadpoles.com

Things I have learned since becoming a parent (That STILL trips me out that we are parents)

• Babies fingernails grow at a ridiculous rate. I HATE cutting their nails and I breathe a sigh of relief once I finish cutting their nails. Then I turn around and two days later they have dragon claws threatening to draw blood as they scrape their tiny hands across my face
• I put aside clothes that look just huge. I think to myself “Oh we should be able to fit that this winter”, yeah try in two weeks.
• Just when I was getting comfortable with the 6 am feeding then back to bed for a couple of hours, the twins have decided to take turns. One will sleep while the other is fussy. I get the other one down and think to myself “Oh sleep, sweet wonderful sleep”. But the moment my head hits the pillow the other one decides to wake up. WTF?!
• Speaking of timing they have decided that anytime food is within 6 inches of our mouth they will get grumpy. No meal would be complete without having to juggle a twin while you eat. Or my favorite you get them down only to have 5 minutes to wolf your food down. You feel as if you have accomplished something if you ate without having to get up to check them.
• It is possible to survive on coffee, protein bars and cheese sticks. Notice I said possible, not advisable.
• I read somewhere you should taste breast milk to see if it seems off. NEVER will I drink my own breast milk….eww.
• Breast milk stains like bacon grease.
• We will not feed the babies things we would not eat ourselves (prunes). Wait that is a lie, I wont drink breast milk.
• If they are asleep TAKE THE SHOWER. Don’t say to yourself “I am going to check my email then take a shower” because it will never happen.
• Cleaning delicate creases makes me feel as if I am violating something.
• They know exactly where my c-section incision is and feel it is their daily job to kick it…..repeatedly. (Did you know that it is still numb and sensitive even 9 months later?)
• Strangers have no problem touching random babies.
• I have heard other mothers talk about the horrible birth, hemorrhoids, sore breasts, inability to produce milk, trouble getting rid of the baby weight and stretch marks. I feel lucky I didn’t have to deal with that, then I think I would have given just about anything to have stretch marks and say the twins were full term. I guess you really cant have it all.
• Even though they tell you not to, we often times find ourselves comparing the twins.
• If you have two it is a given that at times you will have to let one cry while you deal with the other.
• One day you will walk by a mirror and realize you look like a MOM. Dark circles under your eyes, hair is a mess, spit up on your clothes and you wont care.
• I cant remember the last time I was able to get some deep sleep. I have this newly acquired “mom hearing” where every little cough and sneeze wakes me right up and I have to go check them.
• Whenever I go check on them while they are sleeping I have a split second of dread of what I might find. I play the scenario of calling for help and trying to resuscitate one of them. Then I take a step closer, see their beautiful pink skin and their chests softly rising and falling. I feel like an idiot that I would even think that way but it happens all over again the next time I go check them.
• The last movie I saw in a theater was Bee Movie.
• I could spend hours just kissing their cheeks.