thetadpoles.com

I believe that is the mantra they try and pound into the NICU parents. I have heard it from the nurses, the social worker even the doctor has said it. Do you know how hard it is to just “live in the moment”?! My mind likes to race forward and think of the worst possible scenario. Thursday was crazy for me. Due to lack of sleep and high emotions I was a wee bit fragile (in my mind I pronounce it fraj-E-lay, like in A Christmas Story). I went in to see the babies and the nurse said she was so worried Wednesday night but when she came in and saw Derby she felt relieved. I still felt so upset. They asked me THREE TIMES if I wanted to speak with the social worker, I must have looked like a mess. Anyways they said that Derby was on room air all night, sedated and calm. His blood pressure and heart rate stayed stable. I saw the doctor rounding so I was on pins and needles waiting for him to come over and let me know how things were. I finally decided to pump and then wait for the doctor. I had placed my bag on the counter behind all of the machines hooked to Derby’s incubator. As I grabbed my bag I somehow knocked over a clipboard in such a way that it broke the connection from the oxygen tank to Derby’s ventilator. The oxygen tank was hissing, alarms were going off, 10 people ran in from all directions as the doctor is saying “Bag him”. I was devastated. I was like Mommy Kevorkian, unhooking my baby from oxygen. The nurse told me everything was under control and go pump. I was glued to my spot in the corner. I finally walked off to the pump room trying to keep it all together. Once the door was locked I called Tadd and started bawling. People must think all I do is cry, which is not true. I spend my time pumping, eating and occasionally showering too. It takes 20 minutes to pump so when I was done I had recomposed myself. I came out and they said Derby was fine, he was only without oxygen for maybe 2-3 seconds. His nurse had been a respiratory tech for 24 years before she became a nurse. She said he was in good hands. Later it was slightly humorous, we were saying I wouldn’t be able to do that again if I tried. It was the icing on the cake.

The doctor came over with good news and said Derby could be doing a lot worse but he couldn’t be doing any better. He was surprised at how well he was doing. His actual words were “That is the best I have seen a kid do with abdominal surgery”. The surgeon cut out the perforated part of the bowel and created 2 stomas to let his intestines rest (this gives a simple explanation here). It will take 2 weeks before we know for sure how well everything has healed but when the surgeon came back to check on him he thought he was looking good. Then today the doctor on call said she was happy with where Derby was. He has lost some of the puffiness, labs were normal and he is stable. They are keeping him pretty sedated and pain free with morphine. So today has been a good day. We cant ask for anything more.

Miss Loen is getting quite the reputation. She hates to be wet and will be a total wiggle worm until her diaper is changed. It sounds cute but the one down side is she moves so much it causes her monitors to keep going off until she gets changed. Maybe she has learned to work the system. NICU doesn’t have call bells….. The pulled her umbilical line today so she is down to 2 IV lines. Her feeds are now up to 12 cc’s. If she can get up to 15 (about 3 teaspoons) and stay stable they will pull the 2nd line. She is slowly becoming line free. When Tadd talks to her she opens her eyes really big. Of course I cant tell what color her eyes are but she looks so cute. Well until she does this spooky preemie thing where her eyes cross, the doctor assured us that all preemies do it and will usually grow out of it.

Physically Tadd and I are starting to look like crap but we both felt so much better as we left the NICU tonight. I have to keep telling myself not to be too excited because tomorrow might not be as smooth.