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So they have been preparing us that not everyday would be good. I had put that at the back of my mind and would just focus on the present. Well today was stressful for our little family. I went into the hospital a bit late because I finally went and got my haircut. That took longer than I expected. I was getting anxious and wanted to just leave and see the babies. Hair is now cut and I made it to the NICU. When I got there it was very busy (and loud) on the floor. They had just admitted a set of twins. I’m not sure what was wrong, but I think it was because they were under 5 pounds. Anyways I was sitting on a chair between the 2 incubators and watching the twins. They had a lot go on today, their 7th day cranial ultrasounds, chest and abdominal xrays and an echocardiogram (echo) to check for a PDA. With all the hub-bub I was getting stressed out, so I cant even imagine how the babies were doing. When they were preforming Derby’s echo the tech was having hard time getting a good image. She was having the nurse move him around and tilt back his head. I was sitting next to Loen but was watching Derby’s monitors, his oxygen saturation and blood pressure started to drop. The respiratory therapist came in and started to increase his oxygen. He was put back on dopamine last night due to low blood pressure. His alarms kept going off, the tech couldn’t get the read (they had to get another person to try) and he was looking agitated. I started to get upset. Then a volunteer looks at me and stands in front of Derby’s incubator so I cant see the echo or him. I bet she thought she was being sly keeping me from rubber necking. Then I see her look at the name tag on Derby’s bed and then looking over at Loen. Obviously it clicks in her brain that they were both mine so she moved. She came over to me and tried to chit-chat. “Oh twins! And you have one of each. I love the name Loen, how cute”. I gave her a terse thank you and I think she got the hint. To top it off the huge (4 1/2 pound) nearly full term twins to my left started to cry and the dad was taking pictures. I kinda lost it. I was trying to keep it all in and I wanted to leave but the nurse said the doctor was coming to talk to me. So I waited. I said to the respiratory tech “Derby is having a hard day, huh?” she replied “I know the doctor warned you he is going to go down. His honeymoon period is over.” She didn’t say it in a rude or mean tone, but it just made me feel so down. The doctor came over and said Loen was looking stable and tolerating her feeds. Derby on the other hand need a little extra hand today. She worded it in a way that relieved some of my anxiety. She didn’t sound overly concerned, just a “you will have some good and then some not so good days” speech. After she left I went into the private room to pump and broke down. I called Tadd and he was ready to leave work to be with me at the NICU. I told him I would be okay, stay at work. After I had some time to myself (and cried) I felt better. While I was pumping, Souther (my younger brother) arrived and sat with the babies till I was done.

UPDATES

• Both: Cranial ultrasounds were negative, YEA! I overheard the radiologist tech say she couldn’t see a PDA, the other person said “On both?” to which she replied “Not that I could see”. Then when the doctor came over she said she couldn’t hear a murmur but they will send everything over to the cardiologist to see what he says. That was encouraging. They were started on their first dose of caffeine this morning in preparation of going off of the ventilator and onto CPAP. Caffeine helps preemies by reducing the rate of lung damage and stimulating the respiratory system to help them to remember to breathe. Once they go off the vent they are going to have to work a little harder with this whole breathing thing, no more lazy babies! They had increased amount of dextrose (sugar) in the twins TPN because they need the calories. They have had a hard time adjusting to it and their blood sugars have been high. They both got teeny amounts of insulin last night. The bilirubin lights were turned off. They have their beds covered with their monkey blankets to decrease light and sound.

• Loen: So far she is tolerating her feeds and they will try and feed her every 4 hours instead of every 6. She has been pretty stable today but they had to increase her oxygen. Both of the twins got their first dose of caffeine today to prepare them for going off of the ventilator. Loen also opened her eyes numerous times for Daddy tonight when we went up to say goodnight. Tadd also got to change her diaper. See I share! (Actually I have already changed both of their diapers). He did a very good job.

• Derby: He went back on dopamine last night. He still hasn’t pooped. He was so agitated after all of the tests, that Tadd asked if he could lift the blanket on the incubator to look at Derby better and they said no. They were going to try and let him rest. He now has 3 IV’s, only his right arm is free.

I had a really hard time of being positive today. Especially when the nurses were watching Derby’s monitor with concerned looks. Earlier I was online doing some research on drugs and prematurity when I accidentally ran across a site where parents were talking about their preemies. It was awful. Babies who died, babies with severe problems. I quickly shut the site but it is amazing how things will just haunt you.

After we left the hospital we went to a local bar to play a game of Big Buck Hunter, Tamie and Jim were going to meet us there. Usually this place is quiet and empty. We forgot about it being Halloween. It was loud and crowded with college kids (I’m getting old). Most of the girls looked like prostitutes; there were like 3-4 Chrissy’s from “Three’s Company”, a street walker sailor, and some girl dressed like a witch. Last night we also had trick or treaters come to our door for the first time. Thank God I still had some candy left over from the Trick or Treat bag I made for the nurses. Do you know teenagers still trick or treat?! Some kids taller than Tadd asked for candy, then we had a tween dressed in a slutty cheerleader outfit. Whatever happened to those simple plastic costumes you would buy at the grocery store? Anyways I was quickly over the whole scene. While a beer had sounded good earlier, it didn’t taste very good. I didn’t finish it and we all went home. Which was good because I needed to get some sleep.

Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

Loen:

Loen and her blankie:

Daddy changing the first of many diapers:

Loen and Uncle Guy (Souther):

Loen opening her eyes for Daddy:

Derby:

Derby’s blankie:

Derby’s costume this year was E.T.:

You can usually tell who had the better day because they have more pictures taken of them.